How dumb are you?

This morning’s gem reads:

Employers axed payrolls by a shocking 533,000 in November for the weakest performance in 34 years,

Well done, employers!  Here’s a little pop-quiz for ya:

An environment where 500,000 jobs are lost every month will make your customers:

(a)  More likely to purchase your goods and services.

(b)  Terrifyingly less likely to purchase your goods and services.

The juvenile thinking on the part of business seems to be that they can lay off everyone else’s customers, but somehow their customers will still have jobs and be in a mood to buy their offerings.

Good luck with that.

Now all we need is another horrific selloff on Wall Street.  According to my watch, that starts in about four minutes.

Have a nice day.

Ha-ha. Fuck you, lefties…

This nutfuck babbles:

And yet this final humiliation seems particularly appropriate for George W. Bush.

… in the usual thumbsucker about how awful and beaten a man is President Bush.

Man.  It really sticks hard in their craw that George W. Bush is about to retire undefeated.  Yep.  They never laid a glove on him.  Got elected to the highest office in the land the only two times he could run.  Beat them twice – as many times as is possible.  Two-term president.  And Klein here is just some jagoff who bleats for a magazine that’ll probably publish another year or two – tops – before the advancing new media makes it irrelevant forever.

Talk about the lamest fucking duck, eh, Joey?

Another thing about this article is something that’s always astounded me about the lefties and their view of President Bush; they can, in the same article – sometimes the same paragraph – forget whether they’re assailing Evil Genius Supervillain Bush or Stupid Retard Dummy Bush.  I mean, c’mon, kids; either the guy is Lex Luthor or Paris Hilton – he can’t be both at the same time, can he?

Oh, well.  I guess the left gets all agitated and forgetful when they’re watching the reigning heavyweight champ wave to the crowd and go into retirement … undefeated.

Excuse me?

Shoot me for a hoss thief, but I thought The Failed Policies Of The Bush Administration(TM) were the only problem facing the US economy.  Amazingly, the incoming Obama Administration is somehow managing to keep the Bush disaster alive:

“If we don’t act swiftly and boldly, most experts now believe that we could lose millions of jobs next year.”

Huh?  How can we “lose millions of jobs” when we’ve already voted for change?  Wasn’t the left amazingly clear on the point that the whole problem was Bush?  Once Bush is gone, how can the problems persist?

This makes no sense.  We have voted for hopenchange.  Hopenchange will take office in a few weeks.   Doesn’t that absolutely mean that things cannot possibly not start getting hugely better in January or so?  What would it mean if things didn’t start getting hugely better once Obama was in office?!?!

Not this fucking guy again…

In reading the latest gloom & doom sentiments from journalists economists about the global economy, I came across the name Ed Yardeni.  Herr Yardeni, formerly of Deutsche Bank, is patiently explaining that apparently the sky is about to fall.

Where had I heard that name before?

Yep.  Yardeni was the numbskull alarmist-in-chief from 1996 to late 1999 about the Y2K bug.  Remember that?  The dopey theory that because computer programmers were wont to express dates in computer programs as “98″ instead of “1998,” all our computers were going to turn into, like, pumpkins when the date counters went from “99″ to “00?”  Dumbshit Yardeni apparently believed that, say, an elevator controller would (a) know what date is was, and (b) care, and (c) suddenly stop working because a figure of “00″ in the year attribute would scare it into stopping … or something.  His theory, I suppose, was that computers were keenly interested in knowing what year it was, and would display a pigheaded obstinance towards carrying out their program if they suspected it was 1900 instead of 2000.

Oh, and the failure of about a bazillion computers was going to cause a worldwide depression and kill millions of people.  Because fax machines wouldn’t know what day it was … or something.

To say that Yardeni was spectacularly, astoundingly wrong about this would be to diminish the impact of “spectacular” and “astounding.”

My point?  Why are people still listening to this douchebag?  I mean, after a giant shitpile of fail like his Y2K prediction, why isn’t the general response to another of his pronouncements – about anything – something along the lines of, “shut the fuck up, rummy?”

Ya think?

This fucking dumbhead gives us twenty reasons why the US consumer isn’t spending money.

I know, I know, he’s some sort of brilliant economist who’s accurately predicted seven of the last three recessions, but let me just help him out with Reason #21:

Because everyone in the USA has been told, for two fucking solid months now, that we’re all going to be in a breadline any minute.

I mean, I dunno about anyone else, but speaking for myself, being told every goddamn day that I’m going to have to live in a cardboard box atop a sewer grate kinda tends to diminish the urge to buy a big-screen TV or a new Cadillac.

Smart Advice to Republicans: STAND BACK.

This story contains the helpful sub-headline:

The top Republican on the House Financial Services Committee said he’s opposed to a $25 billion loan package for the Big Three.

See where this is going?  Yup, the media is preparing the battlefield; if the automaker bailout doesn’t go through, any ensuing troubles, disasters, or catastrophies will be laid squarely at the feet of the Republican Party.  And they’re too fucking stupid to see it.

Never mind that the Democrats can pass this new bailout – even now, before the incoming Democratic reinforcements just elected are seated – without a single goddamn Republican vote.  Never mind that the Democrats only want some Republicans to support the measure as political cover for their union-teat-sucking Washington politics.  Nope, forget all that; if automakers don’t get a bailout and subsquently fail, it’s all due to Republican intransigence.

Republicans are pretty stupid, I guess, if they can’t see the optimal course politically; stand back.  Every Republican should be saying – in unison – “Gawrsh, a new bailout for huge corporations?  We dunno about that, and are keenly interested in what the party that 100% controls Congress – and soon will control both the White House and Congress by overwhelming margins – is going to do about this.  We sure hope they get it right, since they’re in charge of the whooooooole rodeo now.  We’ll eagerly await their decision.”

Nope.  They’re too stupid to get this.  And the media will hang it right around their red fucking necks.

Can Fatfuck here count?

This wretched bloviation about Yet Another Bailout goes:

Dodd: Auto bailout lacks GOP support

Uh, Chubby?  You don’t need GOP support.  You’ve got enough Democrats to pass it on your own.  I mean, is this the shit we’re going to hear for the next two years?  Limp fucking attempts by Democrats and their media allies to blame shit on the minority?  Somebody needs to tell Fatstuff Dodd to jack his thumb out of his ass and pass the legislation, if that’s what he wants.  Sorry, Puffy, but you Democrats are on the hook for everything now.

You can’t make this stuff up…

A headline at TimesOnline.Com reads:

Barack Obama’s Kenyan family to celebrate by slaughtering bulls, chicken and goats

The punchline is that the reporter attends.  And brings along a goat. Even Keith Olbermann hasn’t done that yet, although perhaps it’s best not to say that too loud.

… and one HUGE reason to hope Obambi loses

The most entertaining moment in US politics over the last two decades was election night 2004, at the exact moment – it was around 10:30 or so, if I recall correctly – that all across the TV channels it suddenly dawned on the lefty media that the exit polls were dead wrong … and John Kerry was going to lose.

That panic was so delightful that I wish it were possible to erase and relive memories of the past.  I recall flipping from channel to channel, watching with geometrically-increasing joy as anchor after anchor was slammed with the horrific realization that Bush was not only going to win handily, but he was going to boast the scalps of no fewer than five Democratic senators drying on his lodge-pole – including the minority leader!

Not enough E’s in Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet to describe this feeling.

So.  Ahead to tomorrow.  All the polls say McCain is toast.  Okey-doke.  He had a long row to hoe, from the start.  If McCain loses, then Wednesday will dawn as below.

Heheheheheheheh.  But what if Obambi loses?  The media will wet its collective pants, in unison.  The left’s collective head will explode, all at once.  The overarching theme will be, “Waaaaaaaah!  If we can’t win this election, how can we win any election!?!?!?!”

Probably won’t happen.  But I’m tucking away a draught of booze in case it does.

Five reasons to vote Obambi…

(1)  The “financial crisis” will end Wednesday if Obambi is elected.

With no Republican on the national stage above the sightline of the voters, no “economist” (read: journalist) will have the slightest inclination to write gloom & doom stories about the coming worldwide depression.  In fact, Wednesday will see the first, “Are things really that bad?” stories about the economy.  The effect of this Emily Litella moment on the consumer will be dramatic.  Sentiment will climb back into the seventies, then go higher.  Retailers will report non-disastrous sales.  The snowball will gather momentum.

(2)  Jesse Jackson gets a long-overdue political kneecapping.

So does Al Sharpton and every other loathsome race-hustler out there.  To put it as simply as possible, if racism in Amerikkka isn’t a strong enough force to keep a black dude out of the White House, then it becomes possible to ask if it exists at all.  Oh, racism is a real enough this, I suppose, but if every racist in the country, pulling in unison against a black candidate, can’t stop him even though he’s a cypher with socialist tendencies … sorry, the game is over.

(3)  The left will have to SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Obambi is going to have to (a) continue a lot of loathed-by-lefties policies Bush put into place, and (b) do a lot of things that the left isn’t inclined to like.  Picture huge bombs smacking into villages full of Brown People (TM).  Or take the FISA flap.  Lefty retards like Patsy Leahy puled endlessly about “illegal surveillance of Americans.”  Ya notice how they just STFU’d right about the time Obambi got on board with this “warrantless” surveillance of terrorists?  Yeah.  Ain’t it fascinating how exactly the same polices will suddenly wander into the Perfectly OK category once Obambi’s stamp is on them.

(4)  The right will grimace – but stand behind Obambi – when he has to do [upsetting thing here].

The difference between left and right in America is rapidly becoming the fact that the left is apparently willing to see the whole nation go down in flames so long as a Republican president is the first to perish in the holocaust.  The right isn’t like that.  I wasn’t Bill Clinton’s biggest fan, but when he made the decision to go after the Serbs hammer and tongs over Kosovo, it was time to belt up and hope US warplanes knocked their cocks into their watchpockets.  The left, in sharp contrast, spent the years from 2003 to 2007 cheering unreservedly over every shiny new dead serviceman.  I want my country to come out ahead, and if that means that Obambi gets the credit … OK by me.

(5)  The Republicans don’t seem to be answering their wake-up call.

2006 should have been enough.  It wasn’t.  Message to Republicans:  You suck.  Ted Stevens needs to go.  You need drumhead courts-martial to get people like him out of the party now.  And get some new leadership, while you’re at it.